Yippee-Kay-Ay Mother Bleepers!!!!!

 Why haven’t I heard anything about this before!? I just read over at Geeks of Doom that Boom! Studios produced a Die Hard comic, Die Hard: Year One. The comic tells about John McClain as a “trainee officer and Vietnam veteran” in the 70’s. The Insomniac reports that the art work and story has a gritty true to 70’s New York style. I’m sold!

I remember seeing Die Hard as a kid (probably a little too young to be seeing it, I think I was 7) at the drive-in theater in Union City. And then I soaked up repeated viewings from a VHS copy recorded from HBO. Every detail of that movie is like childhood bliss for me. Though I was never a big fan of Die Hard 2, Vengeance was also a totally awesome flick.

I missed this comic in its first run but Boom! Studios just released a hardcover compilation of the first round of issues. For a much better review of it check out Geeks of Doom here.

Geek Thoughts: The Connor Paradox

For my first installment of Geek Thoughts I think it’s appropriate, in light of the resent release of Terminator Salvation, to focus my thoughts on The Terminator franchise. But first, what is Geek Thoughts you ask? Well we all know that us geeks are constantly thinking of possibilities. We’re geeks becausewe think about shit. We have theories about our favorite shows. We wonder if it’s possible to construct a warp drive for our Honda’s. We have our own theories about time travel. With Geek Thoughts I’ll be inflicting my theories on you. Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!

The Connor Paradox

In the future machines have laid waste to the human waste. But we fought back. One man became the hope and the spearhead for the human Resistance. John Connor.

When the machines discover the secret to time travel and send back a Terminator to kill the mother of John Connor before she can give birth to the savior of the human race. The resistance also finds the technology for time travel. Connor sends Kyle Reese back in time to save his mother.

Kyle saves Sarah Connor and injects her with his “Savior Seed” conceiving John Connor and creating a Grandfather Paradox, or in this case The Connor Paradox. John Connor in the future sends Kyle Reese (who is younger than Connor) back in time. Kyle Reese sleeps with John Connor’s mother, conceives John Connor, and dies. Sarah Connor raises John to be a soldier. He saves the human race and then sends his young friend Kyle Reese back in time to save his mother and become his father. John Connor created himself.

How did it all begin? It had to have a beginning some where, sometime. There had to be a first time. My theory is this: In the future a man named John Connor (we’ll call him Connor Prime), Connor Prime discovers a plot by the machines to kill his mother in the past. Connor sends his trusted friend Kyle back in time to save his mother. Kyle having heard losts of stories about Sarah Connor from John, falls in love with her. They have sex and she gets pregnant. The baby happens to be a boy. She decides to name that baby John because Kyle told her that was the name of her son (we’ll call this John, John Beta).

Sarah with knowledge from the future raises John Beta as a soldier. John Beta has all this knowledge that John Prime doesn’t have. He knows he has to save his mother in the past. He knows he has to send Kyle back in time to become his father.

Why do I use John Prime and John Beta? John Prime knew nothing about his father. My theory is that John Prime’s father was NOT Kyle Reese. Who his father was? I don’t know.

When John Prime sends Kyle back in time and Kyle gets it on with John Prime’s mom he in effect kills his friend John Prime. Kyle conceives a son with Sarah, thus preventing Sarah from meeting or conceiving John Prime with who ever John Prime’s father was going to be, creating a new timeline where John Prime never existed but John Beta does.

Got all that?

John Prime came first-sends back Kyle-Kyle boinks Sarah/kills John Prime-John Beta is born-Sends Kyle back in time to boink his mom.

If this all doesn’t make sense then just remember this: If your involved with time travel and your name is John Connor you may be killing yourself and replacing yourself with someone else. But If your involved with time travel and your name is Kyle Reese your gonna boink your Buddie’s mom!

Review: Terminator Salvation

I remember watching the first Terminator as a kid on an old VHS cassette recorded from HBO. My most vivid memories are of the final battle in the factory, the Govinator’s balls, and Linda Hamilton’s tits (hey I was a little kid when I saw this shit, it warped my mind)! So naturally I’m a huge fan.

When T2 came out my brother teased me to no end for looking just like Edward Furlong. I wanted to learn how to hack into the local ATM with a laptop. I was thankful for no balls but pissed for no tits. In the end I was sad that the machine had to die.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. I liked John Connor ending up in the bunker at the end.

Now comes Terminator Salvation. The rumors, the leaks, the bad reviews. I wish I hadn’t read anything about this movie before seeing it. I had a hard time getting into the movie, not because of any problem with the movie but because I kept looking for all the shit that they were complaining about. Yes the movie isn’t perfect. Yes it does seem a bit rushed. But I get the feeling that McG wasn’t allowed to do the film he wanted to do. As a screenwriter myself I can see where other writers put their mark on the original scriptwriters work in order to give John Connor a bigger part and to rework things for whatever reason.  But dammed it, we get to see the war! That’s the shit we’ve been wanting to see since Arnold’s nuts first hit the silver screen!

And the best part, for me at least, is that all the different time incursions in the other movies have an effect on the future. “The future is not what my mother told me it would be.” Time travel has been something that has fascinated me more than any other sci-fi/scientific area. Terminator was always one of my favorite scifi franchises because of it’s time travel conundrums. One of the few complaints I have about Salvation is that it doesn’t get into this aspect really at all.

One thing I really liked is the introduction of Kyle Reese as a young man. First off we got Chekhov playing the father of the future. I like how we see the seeds of what he’ll become in his journey with Marcus. And speaking of Marcus, I really liked his addition to the mythology but I think they missed some opportunities with this character and what he could have brought to the mythos. Yet another area I think McG was castrated.

All in all thought Terminator Salvation was a great ride. I recommend it to everyone. It is a good introduction to a whole new story of the future. And I think that’s the great thing about this movie: it sets the stage for a new set of movies about the war against the machines.

Oh, and we get to see how John Connor gets that nasty scare that we see him with in the first movie.

Star Trek is Back and so am I!

Well, holy shit! People are reading my blog everyday and I haven’t even posted a new entry in over a month. Hell, probably a few months. If your wondering what the hell I’ve been up too the short answer is: looking for work. Blogging is fun. I would like to make it a career (well, writing in general) but it don’t pay the bills. But luckily karma has been on my side and I can now say I have begun my second week at a video production company in Stockton! Now I can buy all the new Star Trek merch!

And speaking of Star Trek, this will have to do as my “review”, Fucking Awesome! I went to the early showing and again that first Sunday. I squirted geek all over my shorts. Any one with something bad to say can lick my sweaty, unwashed, and dingle-berried taint & balls! Sorry… I loves me my Star Trek. This is the Star Trek movie I’ve wanted to make ever since I was a little kid. The one that I could talk to all my friends at school about and not fear having my underwear pulled over my head until my anus began bleeding profusely.

Yeah it’s not perfect but it is beautiful. As a film maker there are so many little details that just get me wet. Like at the beginning when George Kirk is going to ram the Kelvin into Nero’s ship and they turn it into an emotional character moment between him and his family. Beautiful. The music in that section is just wonderful. I had a tear in me eye.

There is so much more I would love to say about this movie but It’s already been talked about endlessly so I won’t bore you with my brain dribble. So I’ll leave you by saying, I can’t guarantee that I’ll keep posting regularly but I sure intend to. I think I need to though if I want to bee the coolest blog on the net!

Sweaty taint and balls everyone!

The New Freddy Krueger Revieled

Jackie Erale Haile. He’s the new Freddy Krueger! I must say I am relieved and excited.

This has always been one of the movies that, as a kid I hoped, I could make. Well, someone else is getting that chance but I’m not bitter (much), because it sounds like they might do a good job. They’ve got a good start with the casting at least.

(Note: I wrote this in the WordPress App on my iPhone. Sorry if it looks jacked up. It’s my first time!)

This Guy Loves Battlestar Galactica; And So Do I!!

I saw this on a few sites today. I love this! It’ll get stuck in your head. I think I need to collaborate with this guy!

BSG Finale

It took me three days to write this and a hell of a lot of, “please sweety Daddy needs to work”s but it’s here. Though you may be wondering, was it worth the trouble?

Warning: Spoilers Ahead

Well, I figured it was about time to post my thoughts about the Battlestar Galactica series finale. I won’t go into to much detail because I’m sure you’ve all been reading these non-stop for almost two weeks now, so I’ll just tell you my story of watching it and my thoughts about how it went.

As is tradition for me I made sure I had a few brew’s for the show. Three 32 oz bottles of Bud Ice, one for each hour of the three part finale (I had to watch all three together so it would feel like a movie!). Hey I’m unemployed and I live with my parents, don’t judge me! I waited till the whole house was in bed, fast asleep. I pulled a chair directly in front of the TV. Pushed play. In three hours my face would be soaked with tears.

The first part of the three hours, as you all know, was shown the week before. It set up the final confrontation between the humans and the Cylons. It was good stuff, yes? Adama and Starbuck dividing the hanger deck with red tape. Dying Roslin being helped across the line. Classic Alamo. I love Baltar’s inner pull to the other side of the tape.

The second hour was some of the most intense shit I’ve seen in a long time. They moved the story into the action really fast. I love how Baltar (I think in the end he was my favorite character) simply hands the box over and tells Paulla that his followers are hers now. He made a choice that changed his character. A choice that he has been searching for since Caprica. That’s what great storytelling and character development is all about, making choices. He made a choice to stay not for him self but because he was needed there on some level he couldn’t explain. You can see it in how James Callis plays the hesitation when Baltar is looking around the hangar deck. The inner conflict is written on his face.

Next we have the jump directly in front of the colony. Insane! Guns blazing! Explosions everywhere! Raptors jumping from inside the ship! And then ramming the fracking ship into the fracking colony! That’s fracking action man!

I love the way Boomer goes out. You know she had to go, but hey man, I remember when she was one of the good guys. Yeah her character became nothing more than a play thing for Cavil but I’m glad they gave her some dignity in the end. I like the flash back showing that she made good on her word to Adama.

Back on the ship.

The Caprica Six and Baltar story was great. I really dug how they both could see each others “imaginary friend”. That was a great moment for me. From the very beginning I wanted them to be some kind of spiritual messengers and I was right.

I really liked how we get to see what the opera house dreams were all about. The way they inter-cut the footage of the dream with the reality on the ship was perfect. Especially when Baltar and Six enter the bridge. The Final Five watching over them from above was cool, and a little creepy. That slo-mo shot of the Number 4 spurting blood from his neck and Adama kicking his legs out from under him was the ballz!

Batlar’s speech: good. “I see angels.”

Cavil makes deal: too convenient, but necessary.

Final Five sharing thoughts: awesome!

I like how they all dip their hands in to the “milk” and share their minds. Tory cracked me up when she was scared about what the others would see. Galen’s face when he sees her kill his wife is priceless. And then the Mo-Fo snaps her neck with his bare hands! Awesome use of Cylon strength.

Oh! And when the shit hits the fan and Cavil yells “FRAK!” and shoves the gun in his mouth and blows the back of his head out I fraking almost woke the whole house! I’ve never seen a more fitting and just end for a character. I rewound that part several times.

Starbuck using the Final Five’s song as jump coordinates not unpredictable but very cool.

The Third Part:

Now apparently this is the half of the show that fans had a problem with. All I have to say to them is: Shut the frak up! You whinny little bitches! I watch a LOT of TV. It’s my “job” I’m a writer (OK fine I don’t actually get paid for it and I do it from my mom’s house but come on let a guy have his fantasies!). Aside from The Shield I’ve never seen a show that has had a finale that has perfectly ended the story (though I don’t think even this one could top The Shield’s). Each character gets a conclusion that fits their personal  arch. I would have to say my favorites are… well, all of them actually.

The concept of the humans and Cylons landing on primitive earth is great. What really struck me was how the survivors ponder the question of how they could travel billions of light years to find another group of humanoids who evolved naturally and are genetically “compatible” with them. It fits into the whole “Hand of God” concept of the series. (by the way I love Baltar’s explanation of God as a force of nature) it makes sense that for the cycle of Human-Cylon birth and destruction to ever end they would need to come together and to introduce a third, neutral, element, our ancestors. I love that Colonials, Cylons, and Earthlings, merged and created us.

The jump to our time was poetic. Baltar and Six, the angels walking amongst us, exlpained the end wonderfully. Baltar looks at our modern world, evolving into a similar technological situation as the Colonials. But Angel-Six had a point. The story of the Cycle is in our DNA. We will avoid what happens before because our mitochondrial memory will warn us and save us. Or some shit like that.

And the final and best part: Jimmi Frakin’ Hendrix!

I loved this show. From the mini-series through to the final Moor-Eick cartoon after the credits. I’ve seen every episode. I have sat in front of my TV screen with empty beer bottles all around me and tears running down my face. I have uttered the words, “best writing on TV,” and “best fraking show on TV,” countless times. I have vowed to get my first TV gig writing for this show (I guess I’ll have to go for Caprica). And most of all I have learned more about writing from this show than I have in 8 years of film studies. I love this show and am sad that there will never be another like it. Until I make one of course, and I promise you all I will.

“What do you hear?”

“Nothin but the rain”

“Grab your gun and bring in the cat”

So say we all!

Review: Monsters vs. Aliens

I got up Sunday morning had breakfast at about 1:20pm. Attempted to clean our room (Harmony and I share a room), which means I pushed everything into a big pile in the middle of the room. I came out of the room to check on Harmony, make sure her cousins weren’t torturing her, or her them, and Darth Mom tells the kids to get ready to go to the movies.

Room forgotten, I ran up to Darth Mom and asked (like the giddy almost-thirty-year-old-who-lives-with-his-parents that I am [sob]) if we can go to the comic book store too. I had a twenty burning a hole in my pocket! Also I still hadn’t gotten the 3rd Star Trek Countdown issue (and still haven’t, the valley sucks).

Me: “Oh, by the way Darth Mom, what are we gonna see?”

Darth Mom: “Monsters vs. Aliens”

Me, jumping and clapping for joy: “this is the best day ever!”

Comic shop:
Ender’s Game #1-4 almost got Chucky #1 but hey, twenty bucks remember?

Dairy Queen:
Marshmallow Shake! (Mmmmmm)

Movies:

After getting my geek on and discovering a new comic shop (right next to the movie theater! Geekgasim!), I sat in the theater unloading many pounds of smuggled candy from my jacket pockets. The previews came on and I was pleasantly surprised with a good selection of trailers: where the Wild Things Are, Battle for Terra, A kick ass new Star Trek trailer, Disney’s Earth, and some others I’m sure but my geek mind only had enough juice for these.

The now for the review:

It kicked fucking ass!

It was a total geek flick. Lots of nods to Sci Fi flicks of old. The US Prez, played by Stephen Colbert, greets the alien “visitors” with a keyboard. He attempts to play that tune from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, failing that he goes with the next best thing, the theme from Beverly Hills Cop.

The film has lots of references that geeks will appreciate, from Stat Trek (“we have a code Nimoy!”) to Stephen Hawking (“By Hawking’s Chair!”).

The cast is filled with recognizable stars, Resse Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Kiefer Sutherland, the dude from House (Hugh Laurie), Seth Rogan, Rainn Wilson, and Will Arnett. The voice work is great all around with exceptional work done by Sutherland as the military general, Rogan as the blob Bob and Wilson as the evil alien Gallaxhar.

On a personal note I was totally stoked that a prominent location in the movie is Modesto California. I live not too far away from Modesto. In fact the town that I live in is so small that we spend most of our time in Modesto. The only complaint I have though is that they didn’t really make it look like Modesto. I guess that could be because they didn’t want to make it look leik the meth Capitol that it is. Not a good image for a kids movie. But they did get the feel and look of the outlands of the area and the hills on the horizon looked just like they do.  I see that stuff every time I go outside.

The action is good but the story not so muchbut that’s ok they do a good job with the characters.

I could go on and on about the cool stuff in this movie but instead I’ll just tell you to go see it for your self.

All Hail Gallaxhar!

p.s. I’d do Ginormica, how bout you?

New Star Trek Poster!!!

Yesterday I read some stuff about new international Star Trek posters. I think they looked cool. Today we get a supposed “official”  US release of the  first Star Trek poster! I haven’t been able to confirm that this is official, but it looks like it. Also, below it I put up the European posters as well. Tell me what you think in the comments section.

I like it! It says Star Trek, but it aslo says Bad Ass Mother Fucker’s! Looks like a movie the masses would see.

Looks cool. I like the Enterprise under construction and Kirk on the bike. Gives it the feel of a new beginning.

This ones one of my favorites, I think it’s from Italy. I like that its Earth bound and familiar. Also it has a disaster pic feel, which is sure to bring in an audience!

I like the abstraction of this one.

OK. Nothin’ too special.

Well I hope you like these. I’m hopeful that these will bring in a large audience because that’s what we need if Star Trek is going to get more movies or eventually a TV show. If this movie tanks I’m sure it will be the last we see of Star Trek for a long, long time. Fortunately I think it will kick ass and make a shit load of money!

Please leave your thoughts in the coment section.

Ron Howard to Bring H.P. Lovecraft to the Big Screen?

I just read on Geeks of Doom that Universal Pictures and Imagine Entertainment just bought the rights to the graphic novel, The Strange Adventures of H.P. Lovecraft, for a possible film directed by Ron Howard. If this happens I would be fucking stoked! H.P. Lovecraft stories were my favorite as a teenager and I even wrote some shitty lyrics for the heavy metal band I was in, based on some of his stories. My favorite song I wrote was Sick (Rats in the Walls). Also, Ron Howard is one of my favorite directors. He directed the greatest fantasy movie ever made, Willow! What you got a problem with Willow, say something, go for it!

I haven’t really heard about this comic before (I know, I know, what kind of Geek am I? That’s why this site is called QuasiGeek, you dipshit!), but it is supposed to be about Howard Phillips Lovecraft and his family. Lovecraft gets into some crazy shit apparently. I’ll let the synopsis from the comics web site explain it:

Toiling away as a timid and eccentric writer of pulp horror stories, H.P. Lovecraft, is powerless in the world… in love with a girl who doesn’t love him back, mired in a profession that inspires no respect and frozen in the grip of a terrible writer’s block.  Until one day when everything changes.  Lovecraft comes in contact with an ancient book that passes onto him an insidious curse: whenever he sleeps, his darkest nightmares come true and are loosed on the world.  Suddenly, this shy and bumbling writer becomes both an unwitting god of destruction and the only man who can fight the wickedness he unleashes.  It’s a fantastical revision of the life and work of H.P. Lovecraft, a story in the mold of the classic Universal horror movies. A weird tale indeed.

Sounds awesome! Kind of reminds me of the movie version of William S. Burrough’s Naked Lunch. That movie rather than following that insainly unfilmable book, merged a story about Burrough’s life and him writing the book with some of the insanity of the book itself. This Lovcraft story sounds just as awesome.

The graphic novel is being published by Image Comics. Written by Mac Carver, Drawn by Tony Salmons, and Inked by Adam Byrne, Lovcraft comes to your local comic shop on Aprile 8th.

As far as the possible movie is concerned, Universal and Imagin only optioned the book, meaning they may make it or they might not, but they have the option to if they want. It’s also not known if this is even a project that Howard will do. I can’t wait to read the comic when it comes out, which I know will be good. If they do make a movie I hope Howard directs it. If he doesn’t then I hope he at least produces it and let’s me direct it!

You can check out more about the graphic novel here.